A Mommy's Breaking Heart

Tonight was a big step in GracieAnn's life and a little more of the baby was taken away.  I took the binky away.

For the past several months Gracie has only been allowed a binky at naptime or at bedtime.  She has done fine with this until the past couple of weeks and all of a sudden I see her sneeking them all of the time.  She takes them away from Caleb, hides in the corner, sneaks in the bathroom.  Anything to get a binky. 

I'm not really sure if something has changed or if she is feeling insecure or what BUT she will be 4 in July and it is time that the binkies were gone. So tonight was the night.

She actually did ok when she first went to bed.  I made the bad mistake of offering a sippy cup of milk in place of the binky.  The whole time I was getting the milk I chastised myself because I didn't want to replace one crutch with another but I went ahead with it anyway.  Well, she slammed that milk down and in about 10 minutes I heard, "Mommy, I know I said that I would take milk instead of the binky but now I really think I just want the binky."

I went up to her room and tried to think of everyone she loves that doesn't have a binky.  "I know but I still want one."

I tried to tell her that we can't go back to Disney World as long as she has a binky (she asks me to go back to DWevery single day).  "That's ok.  Daddy has to make more money anway."

I tried to ask her why she wanted a binky.  Why she likes the binky.  "I don't know.  It helps me sweep."   (could you just die from the sweetness?)

So, I just told her I'd be back in a bit to check on her and let her cry.  She cried for an hour.  It was heartbreaking.  I don't mean fake tears.  I mean breaking a three-year-old girl's heart tears. 

Finally, after an hour of crying there was silence.  I crept up the stairs and checked on her and she had finally fallen asleep.  No binky.  I did it!

Then . . . I came downstairs and I cried.  I cried Mommy tears.  Heart-wrenching, baby-slipping-away, please-don't-grow-up tears.