I understand that the job of being a mother is the most important job that I will ever, ever have. I have the responsibility to not only maintain their health and welfare during the baby, toddler, pre-teen and teenage years but even more than that is that I have the awesome responsibility to ensure that my children become honest, hard-working, ethical, spiritual, healthy adults. That is a tall order to be put in charge of and I have to be honest and say that sometimes I don't know if I am cut out for the job.
I sometimes wonder if I am actually "cut out to be a mom". I know that, obviously, I have no choice in that matter now. That choice was made over six years ago and I would not trade my life with children for my life without children for anything.
But . . .
There are those times that I am a little jealous of those who don't have the responsibility of making every decision for a little person (or in my case 3 little people). Sometimes I wish that I could just go get a pedicure, go out to dinner or just take a nap without having to either get a babysitter or check with the hubby to see if he is going to be around and if he cares that I get away for a couple of hours.
It's not only the longing for a little freedom that creeps into my mind. I sometimes wonder if I'm doing things right. If I were, would my children be constantly fighting with each other? Would they be mouthing off back at me? What is it that I'm not doing right?
I had a thought yesterday that really my children are a direct reflection of me. I yell at them, they yell at each other. I boss them around, they try to boss each other around. I wonder if when they look back on their childhood days if that's what they will remember about me? I hope that they will realize then that I didn't let them get away with things because I was preparing them for their adult years and not trying to appease them during these current years.
It's a very overwhelming task sometimes, to be a mom. I never realized before I had children how utterly drained, mentally exhausted and emotionally empty it can sometimes be. It is a thankless job at times but I'm hoping that someday I will look back and think that I didn't do half bad.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Woohoo, Movin' On Up
Woohoo! No more Learn to Play hockey. Kanin has officially graduated to Instructional League.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Today Has Been One of Those Days
The last couple of days have been rough around here and today, by far, has been the hardest.
Gracie has had goopy eyes for the past couple of days but woke up this morning with her eyes swollen shut with gunk all matted up in them. I thought she probably had pink eye last night but when she started complaining of an ear ache this morning, I knew it was pink eye.
We went to the doctor and by "we" I mean me and all 3 kids. That was an experience. Gracie was screaming the entire way to the doctor's office (about 20 minutes), screamed inside, refused to walk, refused to get on the scale and refused to talk to the doctor. In the meantime, I had to grab her arm and drag her while carrying a 28lb baby in a car seat and trying to keep up with a six-year-old who still hasn't realized that you actually have to look where you are going when you walk.
So the doctor tells me that not only does Gracie have pink eye in both eyes but she has double ear infections, too. Fantastic.
Then, we get to Costco to pick up the prescription and I realize that I don't have my Costco card. Gracie had to pee, her normal routine at Costco-she must really like those bathrooms--there were about 15 people in line at the customer service desk and only 2 workers and it was after noon so Kanin told me every 15 second how hungry he was.
I finally got my new card and got to the pharmacy and, of course, her prescriptions weren't ready and it would take about 15-20 more minutes "if I wanted to go walk around and shop". I must have shot the woman a look from the devil because she immediately said, "I'll see if I can speed them up".
The medicine finally came and I was going to use my health savings card but I forgot the password. No problem, I'll just do a credit transaction instead of debit. WRONG. Costco only does credit with an American Express card. Fine, I'll just pay out of my own debit card.
We then run through McDonald's--don't judge me--and finaly make it home.
The World Cup was on and Brazil was playing North Korea. Normally, I couldn't give a hoot about soccer but I suddenly find myself really into the World Cup and I wanted to see Brazil play. About 15 minutes into the game, a huge storm hit and the satellite went out and didn't come back on until 78:12 (12 minutes before the game was over).
Scott finally got home and all was good until he decided it was time to leave for the baseball game. He made a successful exit (no breakdowns from any kids) but then realized that he forgot his phone. His second attempt was not successful. Gracie screamed her head off for 20 minutes which, in turn, woke up Caleb who had only been sleeping for about 10 minutes. It is now 3 hours later and he still has not gone back to sleep. He is in the playpen, currently, with his eyes closed and screaming his head off.
Calgon, take me away!!
Gracie has had goopy eyes for the past couple of days but woke up this morning with her eyes swollen shut with gunk all matted up in them. I thought she probably had pink eye last night but when she started complaining of an ear ache this morning, I knew it was pink eye.
We went to the doctor and by "we" I mean me and all 3 kids. That was an experience. Gracie was screaming the entire way to the doctor's office (about 20 minutes), screamed inside, refused to walk, refused to get on the scale and refused to talk to the doctor. In the meantime, I had to grab her arm and drag her while carrying a 28lb baby in a car seat and trying to keep up with a six-year-old who still hasn't realized that you actually have to look where you are going when you walk.
So the doctor tells me that not only does Gracie have pink eye in both eyes but she has double ear infections, too. Fantastic.
Then, we get to Costco to pick up the prescription and I realize that I don't have my Costco card. Gracie had to pee, her normal routine at Costco-she must really like those bathrooms--there were about 15 people in line at the customer service desk and only 2 workers and it was after noon so Kanin told me every 15 second how hungry he was.
I finally got my new card and got to the pharmacy and, of course, her prescriptions weren't ready and it would take about 15-20 more minutes "if I wanted to go walk around and shop". I must have shot the woman a look from the devil because she immediately said, "I'll see if I can speed them up".
The medicine finally came and I was going to use my health savings card but I forgot the password. No problem, I'll just do a credit transaction instead of debit. WRONG. Costco only does credit with an American Express card. Fine, I'll just pay out of my own debit card.
We then run through McDonald's--don't judge me--and finaly make it home.
The World Cup was on and Brazil was playing North Korea. Normally, I couldn't give a hoot about soccer but I suddenly find myself really into the World Cup and I wanted to see Brazil play. About 15 minutes into the game, a huge storm hit and the satellite went out and didn't come back on until 78:12 (12 minutes before the game was over).
Scott finally got home and all was good until he decided it was time to leave for the baseball game. He made a successful exit (no breakdowns from any kids) but then realized that he forgot his phone. His second attempt was not successful. Gracie screamed her head off for 20 minutes which, in turn, woke up Caleb who had only been sleeping for about 10 minutes. It is now 3 hours later and he still has not gone back to sleep. He is in the playpen, currently, with his eyes closed and screaming his head off.
Calgon, take me away!!
PROJECT: CLEAN HOUSE Cleaning Schedule
I have been on a mission for a while to get and keep my house clean. I have certain tasks that I do every single day when I wake up:
1. Start coffee
2. Empty dishwasher
3. Fill dishwasher
4. Empty/Change/Begin laundry
I mean I do those four things every single day. After that stuff, though, I usually spend the rest of my day running and chasing after kids, making and cleaning up kid meals, getting kids to take a nap and more laundry. The bottom line is what I've been doing is NOT working. My house is still constantly cluttered and it drives me crazy.
I decided today that I would look up house cleaning schedules on-line to kind of get a idea how to juggle everything. I know that this sounds ridiculous, even to me. When I think about the fact that I am here all day long and yet my house is still a wreck, I just don't know how that can be possible but did I mention that I run after kids all day?
Over the past few months my mom (check out her stories, they are really good) has helped me by coming over and doing the big cleaning like the toilets, bathtubs, dusting, etc. and then I have just tried to maintain the hard work that she has put into it. I usually keep it pretty clean for about 3-4 days and then it will slowly get cluttered again. Recently, though, my mom has been working a lot at her job and she just hasn't had the time or energy to come clean over here.
So, today I decided that I have got to take matters into my own hands.
Here are the first papers that I found:
I then added some of my own notes.
Finally, I came up with my own list. Here is what it reads:
Everyday
Dishes, Make Bed, Pick Up, Laundry
Monday
Vacuum downstairs
Mop all floors
Tuesday
Wash sheets
Wipe down all counters
Wednesday
Scrub bathrooms
Wipe down all cabinets
Thursday
Wash windows
Clean microwave
Friday
Dust
Vacuum upstairs
1st of the month
Clean out refrigerator
Clean baseboards downstairs
Cobwebs downstairs
15th of the month
Clean oven
Clean baseboards upstairs
Cobwebs downstairs
1. Start coffee
2. Empty dishwasher
3. Fill dishwasher
4. Empty/Change/Begin laundry
I mean I do those four things every single day. After that stuff, though, I usually spend the rest of my day running and chasing after kids, making and cleaning up kid meals, getting kids to take a nap and more laundry. The bottom line is what I've been doing is NOT working. My house is still constantly cluttered and it drives me crazy.
I decided today that I would look up house cleaning schedules on-line to kind of get a idea how to juggle everything. I know that this sounds ridiculous, even to me. When I think about the fact that I am here all day long and yet my house is still a wreck, I just don't know how that can be possible but did I mention that I run after kids all day?
Over the past few months my mom (check out her stories, they are really good) has helped me by coming over and doing the big cleaning like the toilets, bathtubs, dusting, etc. and then I have just tried to maintain the hard work that she has put into it. I usually keep it pretty clean for about 3-4 days and then it will slowly get cluttered again. Recently, though, my mom has been working a lot at her job and she just hasn't had the time or energy to come clean over here.
So, today I decided that I have got to take matters into my own hands.
Here are the first papers that I found:
EverydayDishes, Make Bed, Pick Up, Laundry
Monday
Vacuum downstairs
Mop all floors
Tuesday
Wash sheets
Wipe down all counters
Wednesday
Scrub bathrooms
Wipe down all cabinets
Thursday
Wash windows
Clean microwave
Friday
Dust
Vacuum upstairs
1st of the month
Clean out refrigerator
Clean baseboards downstairs
Cobwebs downstairs
15th of the month
Clean oven
Clean baseboards upstairs
Cobwebs downstairs
I'm not saying that this is the perfect solution but I feel that maybe it will make it not so overwhelming. As it is, I look around and see the mess and I look at everything that I do on a day-to-day basis and it just feels like I'm getting nothing done.
Please pray that this helps! I'll keep you posted.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Finally, I Can Breathe a Little Easier
I have been trying to lose my 3rd baby weight for some time now. I have religiously gone to the gym since November, hired a trainer in March and have actually stuck to it this time.
In May, Scott and I decided that we were going to go back to Vegas and I was desperate to be able to go and be in a bathing suit and not be totally embarrassed. I finally added the missing key in weight loss, a dramatic change in my diet. I would say that I have eaten healthfully for a while or at least healthier than a lot of people I know. I rarely order french fries, I eat salads without dressing, I take the buns off of sandwiches and I only allow myself one Diet Pepsi a day.
When I told my trainer, Brandon, that I had 4 weeks to look somewhat decent I think I scared him because he did not want me to fail but that was an awfully tall order. He put me on a no carbs after 3:00pm diet. I could eat carbs only if they came from vegetables or fruit. Do you know how hard that was? I normally eat a bag of popcorn every night and here I was depriving myself of one of my few pleasures
Well, I lost 5lbs after one week so I was convinced that this was a good diet. For 4 weeks I ate deli meat, hard-boiled egg whites, salads (no dressing) and every vegetable under the sun. If I had a sandwich for lunch, I would either wrap it in lettuce or I bought Flat Out bread which is much healthier and lower in calories/carbs/fat than regular bread. Even on my cheat days I didn't really cheat because I didn't want to ruin my diet.
So Vegas finally came and I trotted myself off to the pool and do you know what? I felt pretty good about myself. I definitely am no super model but I realized that I'm not a blimp either. The best thing, though, is that I had set this goal for myself and while I'm glad I stuck to it, I realized that I was making myself miserable. That last week before I left I had no desire to go to the gym and I thought I woud cry if I had to eat one more egg white.
When I got back from Vegas and back to the gym, I told Brandon that I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was pushing myself so hard and depriving myself of so much that I started questioning if it was even worth it. I was miserable!
I think what I have learned, though, is that weight loss is about 85% diet and 15% working out. Now that I know this, I think that it will be easier for me to continue this lifestyle. Of course I still have more to lose, tone and shape up but I think that I have finally found a balance and finally know what I need to do to get those last pounds off.
In May, Scott and I decided that we were going to go back to Vegas and I was desperate to be able to go and be in a bathing suit and not be totally embarrassed. I finally added the missing key in weight loss, a dramatic change in my diet. I would say that I have eaten healthfully for a while or at least healthier than a lot of people I know. I rarely order french fries, I eat salads without dressing, I take the buns off of sandwiches and I only allow myself one Diet Pepsi a day.
When I told my trainer, Brandon, that I had 4 weeks to look somewhat decent I think I scared him because he did not want me to fail but that was an awfully tall order. He put me on a no carbs after 3:00pm diet. I could eat carbs only if they came from vegetables or fruit. Do you know how hard that was? I normally eat a bag of popcorn every night and here I was depriving myself of one of my few pleasures
Well, I lost 5lbs after one week so I was convinced that this was a good diet. For 4 weeks I ate deli meat, hard-boiled egg whites, salads (no dressing) and every vegetable under the sun. If I had a sandwich for lunch, I would either wrap it in lettuce or I bought Flat Out bread which is much healthier and lower in calories/carbs/fat than regular bread. Even on my cheat days I didn't really cheat because I didn't want to ruin my diet.
So Vegas finally came and I trotted myself off to the pool and do you know what? I felt pretty good about myself. I definitely am no super model but I realized that I'm not a blimp either. The best thing, though, is that I had set this goal for myself and while I'm glad I stuck to it, I realized that I was making myself miserable. That last week before I left I had no desire to go to the gym and I thought I woud cry if I had to eat one more egg white.
When I got back from Vegas and back to the gym, I told Brandon that I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was pushing myself so hard and depriving myself of so much that I started questioning if it was even worth it. I was miserable!
I think what I have learned, though, is that weight loss is about 85% diet and 15% working out. Now that I know this, I think that it will be easier for me to continue this lifestyle. Of course I still have more to lose, tone and shape up but I think that I have finally found a balance and finally know what I need to do to get those last pounds off.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
A New Blog to Read
As you all know by now, I am a huge fan of Sarah at Clover Lane. This week she interviewed a woman named Angela and wouldn't you know it? I've fallen in love with her blog, too. She is a Nonny (Mama, Nana, Granny, Grandma) now and loves her family. While looking through her past entries, she had one about life's simple pleasures and it struck a nerve with me.
I don't think that I appreciate the simple things in life as much as I should. There are so many over-the-top, exciting, adrenaline pumping activities that I think most people have forgotten how to enjoy the little things in life, especially me.
So, I am going to try to list at least 10 life's simple pleasures.
1. The first truly warm day of the year.
2. Taking a nap outside.
3. Laying in front of the fireplace.
4. Summer festivals with lots of food, drinks and music.
How sad is it that I am stuck at #4?
5. Getting a pedicure.
6. Taking a long, hot bath. With only myself in the bathroom.
7. Reading a good book outside under a shade tree.
8. A day with my family. At the Cardinal game.
9. My baby smiling at me.
10. A perfectly ripened watermelon.
I don't think that I appreciate the simple things in life as much as I should. There are so many over-the-top, exciting, adrenaline pumping activities that I think most people have forgotten how to enjoy the little things in life, especially me.
So, I am going to try to list at least 10 life's simple pleasures.
1. The first truly warm day of the year.
2. Taking a nap outside.
3. Laying in front of the fireplace.
4. Summer festivals with lots of food, drinks and music.
How sad is it that I am stuck at #4?
5. Getting a pedicure.
6. Taking a long, hot bath. With only myself in the bathroom.
7. Reading a good book outside under a shade tree.
8. A day with my family. At the Cardinal game.
9. My baby smiling at me.
10. A perfectly ripened watermelon.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Rant and Rave Friday
RANTS
I'd like to take a minute to thank Bank of America for shutting down our debit cards while we were in Vegas this past weekend. This was especially appreciated after Scott took the time to call them while heading out on Thursday evening and they assured him that the account was noted and that there would be no blocking of the cards. Of course, early Saturday morning we receive a text saying that we have no access to money because they were afraid someone had stolen our cards because there were transactions from Las Vegas. Mind you, they did nothing about stopping any accounts when $1500 was taken from our account generating from the UK! Thanks a lot BofA.
Tracia Johnson deserves received 250 hours of community service, a $1,000 fine and 1 year probation for tying an electric cord around her dog's neck and throwing the dog in a dumpster. What a horrible, inhumane person. If she didn't want the dog any longer, why not take it to a shelter. I hope to God that no one ever allows her to watch their children.
This morning 16-year-old Abby Sunderland was rescued from her attempted solo mission to sail around the world. What I find ridiculous is that her parents supported her in this endeavor. I admire her determination, drive, ambition and confidence and if she were of legal age I probably would be more supportive but I cannot imagine allowing my 16-year-old child to be out in the middle of the ocean by themselves on a sailboat. I would never forgive myself if something deadly were to happen. Guess I'm just not a "cool" parent.
The Hoffbrauhaus in Las Vegas provided a night's worth of entertainment. I have not had that much fun in a long, long time. The food was great, the music was great, the people were great, the beer was great. It was awesome!
The 2010 World Cup started today in South Africa. I typically do not care about soccer and I don't think I have ever watched one game of the World Cup but this year Kanin is really excited to see it and I guess I have caught his spirit. Go USA!
In one of the more classier moves that the St. Louis Rams have made lately, they signed Isaac Bruce for 2 days so that he could come back to St. Louis to retire. Bruce's retirement speech was heartfelt and emotional and it was really great to watch. He spoke of his passion for the game, love for God and committment to the St. Louis Rams organization. They will officially retire his number on October 31 at that game. I will certainly be there to watch it.
Tracia Johnson deserves received 250 hours of community service, a $1,000 fine and 1 year probation for tying an electric cord around her dog's neck and throwing the dog in a dumpster. What a horrible, inhumane person. If she didn't want the dog any longer, why not take it to a shelter. I hope to God that no one ever allows her to watch their children.
RAVES
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