Temporarily Losing My Joy

If you read my Christmas Re-Cap, you all know that I never really got into the Christmas spirit.   This is really unusual for me seeing that I normally have a tree in practically every room of the house.  I was so bad that I didn't even hang stockings, didn't decorate my mantel, didn't have my craft night.  Heck, my kids were lucky to have a tree, presents, and to do a couple of small crafts.

There were several reasons why this happened but in the end what really put it over-the-top was the school shooting.  Like most everybody, I still can't get it out of my mind.  

While doing laundry yesterday, it occurred to me that I had been giving the shooter exactly what he wanted.  It was no accident that he chose right at Christmas time to kill those innocent babies and adults.  It was a cold, calculated move to not only kill people and to destroy a community but to take away from the joy that is the holiday season.  

It is, of course, normal to mourn all of those poor people and to feel pain for their families but I feel like I gave everything over to the shooter.  I never truly enjoyed any of the Christmas season because I just couldn't stop thinking about those kids, their families, or the reasons why it occurred.  Instead of focusing on my kids and appreciating that they were healthy and living in the moment, I just couldn't stop thinking.

After realizing and acknowledging it this week, I feel like I made a break through in re-claiming my joy this morning.  As my tears flowed after the Victoria workout, I felt alive.  It was a release that my spirit really needed and I am grateful for it.   

A WOD for "Victoria"

This morning I had the privilege of doing a workout in honor of Victoria Soto.  In CrossFit speak, we call it a "Hero" WOD.  There are several out there but when it was put out that today's workout would be in honor of the Sandy Hook teacher who sacrificed herself to save her students' lives, I knew that I had to be a part of it.

This wasn't just something that my box (gym) participated in, CrossFit boxes across the country have been doing this workout in honor of Victoria.  

 In case you don't understand the code language above, the workout consisted of the following:

5 RFT (5 Rounds for Time)

10 Thrusters (65lbs women/95lbs men is the prescribed weight-but can be scaled down)

14 Box Jumps (20 inch women/24 inch men is the prescribed height but can be scaled down or you can do step ups)

12 SDHP (Sumo Deadlift High Pulls-65lbs women/95lbs men)

27 KB (Kettle Bell Swings-35lbs for women/53lbs for men is the prescribed weight)    

I was so sore going in to this workout.  I mean so sore that I was having trouble going up and down the stairs but I really wanted to do this WOD.  I wanted to do it for Victoria.  I wanted to do it to honor her spirit and all of those who died.  I wanted to do it so that the shooter didn't win.

It was tough.  By the 3rd round I felt that doubt creep in and it would have been easy to say that I couldn't go on.  Every time those thoughts would enter into my mind, though, I would just take a few extra breaths and think about Victoria.  She gave me the inspiration to go on.  She gave everyone in the strength to go on.

My time ended up being 34:12.  It wasn't about the time.  It was about finishing.  It was about not giving up.  It was about fighting until the very end and we all did.

When I finished this morning, I was overcome with emotion.  Not only was I just happy that the workout was over because I was totally spent but I was happy that I didn't give up and I was incredibly sad that Victoria has been added to our list of Heroes.

I am so proud of the people below.  Everyone gave everything they had this morning.  It is mornings like this one that makes me so grateful that I have found this CrossFit family.

      

Christmas 2012 Re-Cap

I can't believe that Christmas has come and gone already.  I hope you all had a wonderful time with your friends and family during these holidays.  

I never really got "in" to that holiday spirit that I usually am hit with and then with the horrible, heartbreak of Sandy Hook, it just all seemed a little too overwhelming this year.

I did, however, enjoy spending time with friends and family.

Friday night kicked off my weekend with my work Christmas party.  Since I just started working out of the home again, after 8 years and only part-time, I had my own office Christmas party to attend.  We are a small office but we do BIG  things and we all love our jobs and the direction in which the company is heading.

On Saturday night, we had Scott's family's Christmas.  We all went to his sister's house.  The kids got all of their gifts and the adults played a few games.

Below is a shocking picture, my hubby is actually smiling.

My great niece, Kenzie (soon to be 4), waited very patiently while all of the gifts were handed out to the kids.

Kanin got some cool clothes.

My great nephew, Ben (4), was excited about this tractor trailer with horses.

The baby of the family, Ian (2), loved his helicopter that Auntie April picked out.

And, of course, the princesses had to put on their new outfits and model them.

The adults played "rob your neighbor" and a couple of other games.

The kids ended the night with a craft making Christmas trees out of ice cream cones.

  The next day, Sunday, we had Christmas at my parents' house.  My sister and her two kids came.  The kids were really excited to open their presents.

I can't believe how big these kids are this year.  

Mama really loved the handmade Christmas ornaments that Ali and Aidan made for her.

This kid loves anything baseball, just like his Momma.  

My nephew, Aidan (10), loved his Beltran shirt so much that he went and changed and put it right on.

My Sweet Baby Caleb loves anything Jake and the Neverland Pirates.

My niece, Alison (13), loved her new Mizzou Tigers shirt.

The best present and surprise of the day, though, was my sweet husband buying my parents a brand-new tv.  They were totally not expecting it and their reaction was priceless.

  
I was pretty sick on Christmas Eve and laid in bed until almost 1:30.  Finally, I forced myself to get up and get ready for church.  I almost just told Scott that I wasn't going to be able to go but then I just kept telling myself that I would be really sad if I missed it.  So, we got all dressed up and snapped some pics.

  
It must have been a Christmas miracle because I actually started feeling better during church.  We went out to eat with Scott's family for Christmas Eve dinner and then it was home to wait for Santa Claus to make his appearance.

On Christmas morning Kanin woke up about 6:15 and was ready to go downstairs.  I made him hold off for a few minutes but finally we woke everyone up and the chaos started.

The hot present of the year . . . this $13 cash register from Toys-R-Us.  Why, oh why, didn't I buy 3 of them?

 
We finished our Christmas festivities by meeting up with friends and family at the casino for brunch.  It was awesome and Mommy didn't have to cook for the rest of the day, woohoo!  Later on Christmas Day, we headed over to the neighbors' house to exchange gifts and teach him how to play craps (that's a whole different post).

I hope you had as good of a Christmas as we did.  Even though I wasn't my normal self, I felt very blessed to be around all of my family and friends and that we were all healthy.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Look What I Did Today

Early this week a friend of mine posted a picture of herself doing a one-handed hand stand.  I'd seen pictures on Pinterest of girls doing this but never thought I'd be able to.  After I saw Andrea's picture, it became a goal and today, I did it!

 

Visiting Santa Claus 2012, Seeing Christmas Lights and a HUGE Meltdown

This week I wanted to focus on some of those Christmas traditions that needed to get done.  First on the list . . . visiting Santa Claus.

Last year we went to Bass Pro Shop for their Winter Wonderland.  Bass Pro does a great job of not only having Santa Claus there but also a carousel and a few games to play.  Unfortunately, the one down-side to going to Bass Pro is because it is absolutely free (even the picture), they really don't take a lot of care in getting a good, mom-approved picture.  Thank Goodness I always have a camera handy. . .

 

Of all the Santa pictures he's taken, I think this one may be one of my favorites.  I think it is for sentimental reasons as I do believe that this may be one of the last years that Kanin believes

  
After playing in the Winter Wonderland, we decided to go look at the big fish aquarium.  Apparently, this was NOT something that Gracie wanted to do because one of the biggest tantrums that I have ever witnessed followed.  This child cried screamed her ever-loving head off the from the time we got into the store until we got home.

Finally, after locking making her go to her room and the rest of us having dinner, we thought we might TRY to go look at the Christmas lights in one of the local parks.  All of the kids had on their pajamas, I made everyone hot chocolate, and Gaga loaded up our favorite Christmas songs on the iPod.  

As we got close to the park we noticed a lot of people walking toward the direction of the park.  I really didn't think anything about it until we got closer and closer.  There were people everywhere.  Cars were parked all along the streets and hundreds of bundled up people were walking toward the park.  When we finally got up to the entrance and found out that it was WALKERS' NIGHT.  Are you kidding me?!?!?  You can imagine what happened next (see above picture).  

By this time, my Christmas spirit had been thrown out the window and all I wanted to do was go home and drink away the headache.  Luckily, though, we did hit a couple of good subdivisions with great lights that somewhat appeased the kids.

All Kanin kept saying was,  "Now, what are the odds that the night we pick to go look at the night is the night they only let walkers in."   After the evening we had, I'd say they were pretty high at that point.

Finally, last night we loaded everyone up in the car again sans the pajamas and the hot chocolate (we used it all the night before) and we were able to enjoy the lights.

 I hope your holiday season is just as chaotic as mine has been and I hope that we are all able to look back on the chaos one day and appreciate it.