If you read my Christmas Re-Cap, you all know that I never really got into the Christmas spirit. This is really unusual for me seeing that I normally have a tree in practically every room of the house. I was so bad that I didn't even hang stockings, didn't decorate my mantel, didn't have my craft night. Heck, my kids were lucky to have a tree, presents, and to do a couple of small crafts.
There were several reasons why this happened but in the end what really put it over-the-top was the school shooting. Like most everybody, I still can't get it out of my mind.
While doing laundry yesterday, it occurred to me that I had been giving the shooter exactly what he wanted. It was no accident that he chose right at Christmas time to kill those innocent babies and adults. It was a cold, calculated move to not only kill people and to destroy a community but to take away from the joy that is the holiday season.
It is, of course, normal to mourn all of those poor people and to feel pain for their families but I feel like I gave everything over to the shooter. I never truly enjoyed any of the Christmas season because I just couldn't stop thinking about those kids, their families, or the reasons why it occurred. Instead of focusing on my kids and appreciating that they were healthy and living in the moment, I just couldn't stop thinking.
After realizing and acknowledging it this week, I feel like I made a break through in re-claiming my joy this morning. As my tears flowed after the Victoria workout, I felt alive. It was a release that my spirit really needed and I am grateful for it.