Before I was a parent, I used to wander what could be so hard about it. Of course I understood that there would be difficult times but I would arrogantly look at some little, snotty-nosed kid throwing a tantrum in the middle of Wal-Mart because their parent wouldn't buy them a Snickers at check out and think to myself, "Control your child!".
Fast forward and now I have three children of my own and I am quite sure that the twenty-somethings are looking at me like, "Lady, make that kid shut up!". I cannot stand out of control children or parents who don't actually parent.
I have to be honest here, though, sometimes I am out of my league and over-powered by the three kids. My current problem lies with the two-year-old and six-year-old and their constant bickering and fighting with each other. I am not so naive as to think that they are going to get along all of the time but I am not exaggerating when I say that from about 10 seconds after they are both awake until about 10 seconds before they go to bed, it is like WWIII in this house. Every sentence, step, movement and breath is scrutinized by the other one and they will find something to comment about the other one. I am honestly to the point where I just can't take it anymore.
I have tried to explain to Kanin that he is six and Gracie is two but he just doesn't understand why she can't do things the right way, aka, Kanin's way. Gracie, on the other hand, knows that she gets under Kanin's skin so she will instigate little arguments and then just won't leave him alone. I have swatted them, I have sat them in the naughty spot, I have made them hold hands, I have made them sit cheek-to-cheek, I have made them hug and nothing seems to work.
I am so happy that Kanin is home for summer break but I don't know how I am going to deal with all of the fighting. How do I "control"these two fighting children of mine? I have taken away Kanin's DSI but I don't really know what to take away from Gracie. She doesn't have one particular toy that she plays with. She loves Dora but doesn't freak out if she doesn't get to watch TV so I don't think that is a punishment, either. Plus, I feel like Kanin should bear more of the responsibility for the fighting since he is the oldest and has a little more self-control.
I'm ok with some fighting that is to say that I understand that some fighting is going to occur but I am really desperate for any suggestions on how to have some peace in this house.
Please help!
I read this and felt like you had been at my house today !!! Blake and Taylor are just now starting this "fight" thing!!! I just told my husband that I don't know if I'll make it through the summer...i agree with you that the older ones need to take more of the responsibility, but I feel like I am playing favorites, b/c I discipline Blake for something both of them have done together, b/c Taylor doesn't really understand time-out yet. Anyways, I am beginning to wonder if Blake will hold it against Taylor if he gets in "more" trouble than her...AND now, I think he is acting more like a 2 year old!!! Is he trying to get attention? I'm hoping you get some helpful advice that I can take as well !!!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to know that I am not the only one. Obviously, I know that siblings will fight but I just thought it was kind of odd with the age difference and with the sex difference. I liteally thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown on Wed after the parade and when we all got home. It was non-stopping bickering, arguing, fighting, etc. If Gracie says or pronounces on thing wrong then Kanin is all over her and won't let anything drop. On the other hand, Kanin will be playing by himself and Gracie will totally go and start bugging him. I just wish it wasn't so constant. I would love for them to be friends, and they are sometime, but mostly, they just fight, fight, argue, argue.
ReplyDeleteHow timely for me too... I just sat down with my kids this morning, after only being up less than 5 minutes and the fighting already started, and chatted with them about it for the umteenth time! Seriously!! It is driving me crazy too...my son(4) is a meany to my daughter (6.5) sometimes and she won't take it. I have had talks with him about how he treats her or her things--like he will go in her room and throw her stuffed animal...which to her is the rudest thing ever because she is in LOVE with her stuffed animals... and she will constantly correct him too saying "that's not how you do it Dexter" etc etc... sometimes just the tone or the way they speak to each other blows my mind! so, I know how you feel! I don't know what the answer is, but it is good to feel not alone! haha! I told them this morning that from now on when we get up, we're going to spend 5 minutes talking to each other and just talking about what we dreamed about or about our upcoming day and we are going to end every talk with a hug... now...i have no idea where this will go...but it's starting tomorrow danget! They show no affection towards each other really(unless one of them is hurt) and that bothers me... i know they aren't going to hug and love all the time..but come on! I just hope a better relationship for them...ya know? ugh! It is hard...can't imagine doing it with three...you're a good mama!
ReplyDeleteGirls, my thought on this subject is this. I know that you all want to be great mom's and I am sure that you all are or you wouldn't be on here looking for answers. Sometimes, I think that you just have to turn a deaf ear. Unless, they are saying mean, hateful things to each other or 'hitting' each other, then I say step in and discipline them. The fussing and arguing is perfectly normal. The older one of course thinks they are boss, and knows everything, and sometimes we tend to give them that position.'Would you go see where your brother is', take that away from ????, help her do that. etc. The younger one doesn't want to be bossed. They find that picking on each other is a form of entertainment. I would say 'if you two are going to argue then take it upstairs', to your room, to the play room,' etc. They are just coming into their own personalities here. Maybe they will be strong, independant individuals, that will stand up for themselves later in years. Maybe they will always be whiners. I remember well a couple of little girls that were together from the day they were born, best friends, fought like crazy. One of them did the actual fighting, the other would just stand and cry and wouldn't fight back. We thought we would lose our minds during this time, but they are still to this day best friends. They WILL out grow this stage. I know you have all heard this before, but pick and choose your battles, and like I said earlier, learn to turn a deaf ear to a lot of the arguing, if at all possible. I know that there are times when it is impossible to do so, but I also think that when one gets punished so should the other one, maybe not to the same extent but punished, that way the older one won't feel any anymostity (sp) toward the younger one. I also think that we as parents (and I did the same thing with mine) try to make the older one grow up to fast. In my opinion, if they are under 10 years, they are still babies. They still want to be treated like one most of the time. I know that this is very hard to do when you actually have other babies, but sometimes I think that the older one just balks at having to grow up and take on responsibilities. I like the Merry's idea of talking to each other and sharing dreams with each other and ending with a good morning hug. It may not work, but it is a great way to start the day. Don't be down on yourselves to hard. These days will pass soon, and believe it or not the day will come when you will wish that you had them this size again. Don't know if this helped at all but hopefully so.
ReplyDeleteNo, it is helpful. BTW, Debbi is my Mom. Anyway, I know that you are right in that I should just ignore it but I can't stand the sound of it all of the time. It just drives me insane, especiall when Kanin starts something in which he KNOWS he is going to get into trouble. He also has developed a little mouth on him so that coupled with the fighting makes him get in more trouble than Gracie. I will try to start sending them out of the room and see how that goes.
ReplyDeleteI only have one baby so far so I haven't had to deal with this yet. But, I would feel sorry for you more if you weren't going to Vegas tomorrow ;-) HAVE FUN!!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Why do you think I go to Vegas so often?? I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out most days so Vegas is my stress reliever!
ReplyDeleteYeah, when I was growing up, there was this SUPER bossy girl who would NOT leave me alone for anything.... ;)
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