Last night I got hit with a case of Mommy guilt. I sometimes think about if there were a tape recorder of me talking to my children how embarrassed I would be. Nothing like cursing at them or anything like but just my tone. I sometimes realize, after the fact, that I was a little harsh in answering the question, a little short-tempered in waiting on them to carry out what I had asked them to do, a little too mean.
Obviously I don't want to talk to my babies that way but after hearing "Mommy, Moooom, Mooooommmmmmyyyyy!!!!" all day long, I just can't hardly take the sound of their voices sometimes. Usually when I hear them yelling at me it is in demand of something trivial and it is something that they could do on their own but they would rather me stop what I'm doing to come and wait on them.
I am trying to raise responsible adults but sometimes I forget that they are just children. Babies really. A short 3 1/2 years ago GracieAnn was still in my belly and yet I expect her to be able to turn the light on and off, pick up every toy in the toyroom, and need no assistance in the bathroom.
I need to remember that feeling that I used to get when my parents would yell out my name, "Alicia April Dawn!" You know that feeling, that rock in the pit of your stomach and the butterflies. Wondering what it was that you did wrong and what the punishment would be. I hated that feeling. I remember even way into my college years and I would be visiting my parents and one of them would yell my name out and I would get that feeling again. Then, I had to remind myself that I couldn't "get in trouble" any longer and it was such a sigh of relief.
So, my goal is to try to stop and take a breath before just lashing out at them. I'm sure that I will fail at times but I am going to keep trying. I don't want my kids to look back on their childhood and just remember Mommy as the "one who yelled at us."