Last week I watched a Dateline episode called,
I don't want to ruin it for you but basically this man, John, is getting married but before he does he wants to confront his past. He came from an abusive, neglectful home and the show documents his journey into understanding why he is the way he is now as an adult. His journey through a week-long counseling program is fascinating but that's not the reason behind this post.
What I can't seem to get off my mind is how his mother could have allowed her boyfriend "step-father" to treat him so horribly and how those actions effected him so greatly. Here John is a grown man but during the counseling he goes back into his childhood. The most poignant moment came when he stood there crying like a child and said, "I just wanted to be loved."
As I sat there watching it, I just kept thinking about that poor little boy being abused while his mother allowed a man, a stranger to him, to verbally and physically abuse her child just so she could have a man in her life. She put her wants above her children's needs. Her desires above her children's emotions. Her. Her. Her. I know that this happens everyday and women choose men over their children all of the time but I guess I have never seen it play out so vividly as I did on this show.
As a mother, I could never imagine allowing anyone, ANYONE! abuse my children. I don't even like it when other figures of authority get on to them . . . even though I understand that they must learn to respect all of their "bosses" and not just me.
Bottom line, these women are not mothers. They are baby carriers, at best. Mothers in the wild take better care and are more nurturing than these females are. Any "mother" who chooses a man over her helpless, defenseless children does not deserve the privilige of being called Mom.
Some might argue that the Mother is being abused, too, and that she doesn't know any better. I don't buy it. I have zero sympathy for them. I wish I could just swoop in and take all of the kids that are in these types of situations and show them what it is like to hear, "I love you" and "I'm proud of you."
John explained that his step-dad had a nickname for him (he didn't mention what it was). One day he looked up the nickname and the definition said, "Stupid." So, he said he grew up his whole life thinking he was stupid. Here this 33-year-old man sat crying saying that he never thought that he was smart or good all of because of this piece of crap boyfriend/step-dad calling him that name. My motherly instincts just start boiling even hearing it.
I hope to God that none of you are in this type of relationship. If you are I BEG YOU to leave and put your children first. Put their needs above your lustful desires. You are raising the future and it is your duty to put them first!
As a mother, I could never imagine allowing anyone, ANYONE! abuse my children. I don't even like it when other figures of authority get on to them . . . even though I understand that they must learn to respect all of their "bosses" and not just me.
Bottom line, these women are not mothers. They are baby carriers, at best. Mothers in the wild take better care and are more nurturing than these females are. Any "mother" who chooses a man over her helpless, defenseless children does not deserve the privilige of being called Mom.
Some might argue that the Mother is being abused, too, and that she doesn't know any better. I don't buy it. I have zero sympathy for them. I wish I could just swoop in and take all of the kids that are in these types of situations and show them what it is like to hear, "I love you" and "I'm proud of you."
John explained that his step-dad had a nickname for him (he didn't mention what it was). One day he looked up the nickname and the definition said, "Stupid." So, he said he grew up his whole life thinking he was stupid. Here this 33-year-old man sat crying saying that he never thought that he was smart or good all of because of this piece of crap boyfriend/step-dad calling him that name. My motherly instincts just start boiling even hearing it.
I hope to God that none of you are in this type of relationship. If you are I BEG YOU to leave and put your children first. Put their needs above your lustful desires. You are raising the future and it is your duty to put them first!
My mom did something similar like this to me. I was never "abused" per se, I was always taken care of. When I turned 14, she left the person who had been so good to us for many years and we moved in with another man who I disliked immensely..*I have a great intuition for picking out bad people* Come to find out, he had been video taping me in my room for over a year...I just am mad at my mom sometimes for putting us in that situation. I hope my daughter never has to deal with anything like that.
ReplyDeleteI did see that. It reminded me of an ex-boyfriend who's father abused him so I had to change it. His mother was the ame way, didn't care who it was as long as she had a man in her life. It's heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteSaw this and it is so heartbreaking. I sat there crying for that grown man...hurting after all those years. Through my parents' divorce, my mother ALWAYS put me first, she still does and I'm married with two boys and 31 years old, she STILL puts me first, after begging her to finally put herself first, she still refuses...that's a great mother.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I experienced a similar fate as a child. My biological mother left when I was 2 and I saw her sporadically until I was 10. I remember vividly standing in a parking lot while she told me I was fat. That stuck in my head for ever and is a big reason for my body-image issues. I remember being left alone so that she could go out with her boyfriend....I was too young to be left alone.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, my daughter is experiencing a father who has put himself ahead of her. While he's not abusive, he is absent which could be just as hurtful to a child. I would give up anything to make sure she has a happy, healthy childhood and knows every minute how much I love her. I too don't know how people can put innocent children in such situations.
~Teale
New follower from follow me chickadee . Stop by Living at the Whitehead's Zoo if you get the chance.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the children who lives these lives, and I do feel for the parents, but agree that part of what should drive them to better for their children and for themselves should be a much stronger maternal instinct. I'm glad that so many people who have had these childhoods, and even those among the GFC who have posted here, are doing ok for it.
ReplyDeleteI'm a new follower from the Follow Me, Chickadee blog hop! Come visit me back!
Michelle @ Things Sent My Way